nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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