Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
