I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
