You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
