New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
