why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
