Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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