Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
