I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
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Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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