White coat. Heels.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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