She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
