My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
