Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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