other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He? As in you personified your dick?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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