I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
