You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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