he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
