Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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