you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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