I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I cut my penus on the lid.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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