What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
