how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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