Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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