My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
