so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
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wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
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When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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