listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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