They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
