I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
