i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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