yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
