matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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