She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
