I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize