My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
