If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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