How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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