Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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