The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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