that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
