tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
