My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
