I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Dick very happy bro
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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