Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
