the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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