he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
