at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
