i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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