I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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