i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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