You smell like a Billy Joel song
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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