im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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