yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
two words: eviction party
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
