Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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