I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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