girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
