We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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