The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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