Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
