Moan for me like Helen Keller
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
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And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
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They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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