You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
