people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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