it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
