Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
