he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
