You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
