I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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