I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
