how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Randomize
