First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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