Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
