Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
