If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
