I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
