I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
