census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
