plz talk dirty to me
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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