Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
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